It isn’t so much downsizing as much as it is streamlining. I am moving again (uuhhggg). It seems as though every two years I move. This time I am moving back to me, back to my comfort zone. For the last three years I have been living further afield than ever before. I moved for solitude and for love but neither were that forthcoming in fact, both were an illusion. I’ve learned that solitude comes from within and not a location and love, well, I can’t say I have learned anything about love…I still will never understand love. Perhaps love is the greatest illusion of all. Does it even exist?
The last two years I was on the fringes of the city in Morrison. I absolutely love many things about living here, my apartment is cool, the proximity to the mountains and Red Rocks…a mile or two away. Fresh air, open space, wild life (hawks, foxes, and bunnies), great walking paths for the dogs and for me, near water… Bike trails, quiet and clean.
But, I miss walking to a destination. There isn’t a thing around, nothing. I miss sitting in coffee shops or book stores reading the paper with my dogs at my feet. I miss walking to work and to the market. I miss wandering in the streets window shopping and gathering ideas. I miss the essence of city.
That said, I have a strong aversion to the middle ground, the suburbs are not for me. I either want to be completely in it or completely out of it-downtown or out of town.
So…I am going back downtown. Riverfront Park. I have always love the area, even before it was re-done, shiny, new and trendy… and have always wanted to spend more time there. It is home to my favorite coffee shops, great restaurants, boutiques, and a great city park with a river or two running through it. It is near Larimer Square, light rail, campus, and the freeway. Easy access. It is down town but it is quiet and protected, it feels healthy and safe. We will walk everywhere, every day. My boys already approve. They adore the park!
I am wondering and worrying just how will I fit 44 years and 1100 square feet into my new Paris sized apartment? 675 square feet. Pretty tight. Large windows, high ceilings, open plan…but, teeny tiny. There is a large balcony for the boys and for my cafe table…espresso in the mornings and wine in the evening under twinkly fairy lights. There is a double sided fire place, in the living room and bedroom-romantic and cozy! Parking for the Mini, a washer and dryer, a pool, and great common area with Wi-Fi and an office center…The kitchen, dining, and living room are all an open format which I love. Very little storage, a small closet… Where will I put my shoes?…I am going to have to pare down, way down, to the essentials and the things I love.
Where do I begin?
I will keep my cushy chair and by antique desk. My wrought iron bed and Bellagio mirrored dressers will definitely stay. I have a beautiful dining table and six chairs. I will keep that in case I have a dinner party. I love dinner parties. I traded two cases of expensive wine for an Asian armoire, which I will keep; it holds most of my clothes. My dad’s Navy chest and my grandmothers’ hand painted table are keepers. I have a beautiful bedroom chair, an antique coffee table and an old baker’s rack ( I think I will paint it black)..hopefully I can make room for those things too, and, my antique brass lamps from the Oxford Hotel. My art, my paintings, and a few knick knacks…my Persian rug. Oh yes, most of my books will make the move. I treasure my books. Do I take the dozens of wooden wine boxes I use to shelf my books or will I make a trip to Ikea? Everything else must go, I think. Everything else I have collected as hand be downs or cast offs…must be cast off once again.
Where will I put my bicycles, golf clubs, Christmas tree and ornaments, and things like that? hhmmm…this is going to be a challenge. But a challenge that is worth it. I believe this is the right decision. It feels good, like home, like me…this is the right place for this next phase of my life. I am leaving the past and all of its entanglements in my old apartment. Everything about the past three years is over or dead, it is time. I lost everything and then everything I’d gained back was stolen from me again. It is finally time for me to bid adieu and move on, move forward, to the present and future just waiting to embrace me and nurture me. This new apartment is a new life with new associations. I am ready and it is necessary. My life is waiting for me. It is time for me to step back into the game, so to speak. Life is meant to lived and lived to its fullest, and I haven’t been doing that. Not even close.
I am ready, I am willing and I am making all of the necessary changes. Here I am life…let’s see where this goes!