It snowed all night long and this morning my world is covered in a gloriously sparkly white blanket of fluffy snow. Oscar and I stopped off for a coffee and then wandered through the quite campus searching for snow fairies or squirrels. He loves the snow and pranced along through the drifts occasionally biting at the snow as he swiftly moved along. As we walked, I cleared my head of any random thoughts and simply allowed the experience of the emerging sun and the shimmering snow to wash over me. It was refreshing and cleansing in a way. It gave me a sense of clarity about my life.
It has been a particularly trying couple of weeks with the end of the semester, finals, and planning for next semester. At this level it is increasingly difficult to create a workable schedule as fewer classes are offered, if they are even offered, at fewer times. I have been waiting for two semesters for a required French class only to find out that it is not going to be offered again. Sometimes, I feel as though I am being held hostage by the college. Don’t get me wrong…I love going to school and learning but the bureaucracy is very difficult to navigate. I feel very fortunate to have this opportunity, especially since I am developing my own individualized degree, but it has been tricky.
I found out yesterday that my internship was approved. The internship guidelines and requirements are a lot more structured than I expected. I must submit a packet of 60 pages of details, goals, and objectives at the beginning along with weekly emails, a final report and a grading schematic from Aaron and from myself…Wow…I hope Aaron will do all of this, he said he would, but, things tend to fall along the wayside around the place. Now I have to negotiate with Aaron to ensure I am able to get enough hours and the kind of stability needed to successfully complete this obligation.
I know he will see it my way…I know I can make this happen. It seems I can make anything happen lately, I have to work at it, it always takes time, and it is always a test, but in the end it happens the way I want it to. I guess the biggest obstacle is knowing exactly what I want and what I need and then going after that and making that happen….so often it is easy to bring things in without really thinking it through. Focusing on a job or a man or a pair of shoes that turns out to be unfulfilling, painful, and just the wrong fit.
As I look at the sparkling snow and the glistening sun I know what I don’t want. I don’t want any unnecessary drama at work, with love, or at home. This is the year I will streamline my life, get exactly what I want, and be very, very happy. I can bring that in and make it happen just as easily as I can create more drama or unhappiness…I choose HAPPY.